When you read, I has a very strong vanity. Or it can be said that since the childhood, my vanity born that way. So strong a vanity, let me in life road leave too much regret and sigh. Until now, I often for own vanity and frustration.
Indeed, people have strong vanity is not always a good thing.
Today, quiet, lonely environment, let my thoughts and as memories of the dance, fly to the former student days. That is when I was in high school. The next time, for ten years.
Think of today, but still clear, wandering in my mind.
Memory, there are a lot of things, but it also has gradually become fuzzy some things always putting on not to, just like today I want to write about it.
Read the senior high school, I nearly every week to go home because the school is not very far away from home and, again say stay in school, also feel that have nothing to do, he simply went home. That time, my grandmother came to my grandmother, only my mom a daughter, old people, always want to children, son can meet every day, but her daughter married go out, not a saw each other every day! So idle time, will come to his daughter's house, sit back, relax, Syria and Syrian feeling. As usual, I return to a house, let out a cry the grandmother. Grandma see high school's grandson back and was extraordinarily happy, asking question that, to be caring and attentive. In the eyes of the grandma, grandchildren can read in high school, is a culture has. And in all of my Cousins, also of no one can read up on the high school, the fact, let me become the grandmother of the apple of the eye.
Rather, grandma proud of me!!!!!
In fact, the grandmother's love for me, is more than my those Cousins. The grandmother only a daughter, and my mother is only me a son, my position has always been on high. So, every time I go to my grandma's, the grandmother will put those junior to her father of candy, give me out to eat, do for me favorite food!!!!! To this, the aunt often some complaints. But the grandmother every time come to my house, and there will always be bring me good candy, in her mind, I this grandson, and let her pay more love and care. So like a gentle stream of take good care of, I was young and ignorant, and how much is moved in and rejoice. Often, these in the grandmother of the free in an effort. Even a "thank you" forget said.
Wait until I sensible, know to say thank you, grandmother have been dead!!!!!
With sadness, and I weighed the son and close to a "no" this sentence of weight. In addition to regret, more is guilty.
I asked grandma, when to come? Grandmother told me to come for several days. Tomorrow is going to go back. Although my grandmother in her s who had, but still stand on my own two, vegetables, feed chicken, etc. So, the grandmother every time come to my house, can stay, in a hurry, rose up and went to say a few days away. She can not put down, in the land of the cages food, just count your chickens before they are hatched chicks.
The second day go grandmother, and I'm the same way, because my school is in between my home and my grandma's center. The grandmother to go home after my school. I and my grandmother go through a few twists and turns in the mountain, and came to the station after, say the station, there was no bus stop, just a crossroads and yourself. Because in this intersection people waiting for the bus, this place is naturally became the so-called station!
This reminds me of lu xun, maxim: "this is no way in the world, just walk of person many, then became road"
Until now, the corner, there is still no stop, but people have been used in the car. And I have no that has many years in the car, my grandmother never left me. Coming in front of a classmate, in the same class. Suddenly, the heart of the vanity, let I blame, come true, when not sigh why today and grandma happened in sit together this bus. Say direct point, I don't want to let students see me and an old, old woman in the footsteps of ride with. Feel very lose face, is my complaint to really take source.
Students rushed me a smile, what a coincidence! I say: "yes!!!!!" Faces uncomfortable smile. Grandma on the side, whole didn't care. Today's night on duty who? The students asked.
"Mr Wu! The old man." I absent-minded in the answer.
"I also don't like him, he is too serious." Students continued.
Yes, I also don't like. The heart has ManLou rain is early.
At this time, bus, one white ZhongBaChe open come over, say, in fact, have been not white white, body dirt accumulation. That's the mountains the road by the traces of the dust. Grandma was eager to get on the car, I afraid grandma fell down, to hold the grandmother.
"This is what you?" Students in asked me.
"Don't know", I wanted to tell students, this is my grandma, I love my grandmother pain, but the mentality of the young students, let I lied to and that hurt yourself. I don't know, at that time the grandmother whether listen to clear this sentence, if hear, and from the apple of her grandson mouth will is how that came out of the uncomfortable. Care for at that time, I felt so ashamed of me.
"Oh, can't believe you still stand will carry forward the spirit of helpful!" Students at the side badinage.
I began to have a fever, burn to face his ears, tried to disguise her panic and distress, to the students of the cast light forced a smile. In my life, this kind of later smile while often also can appear, but have no the bitter. Inner thoughts, such as double the tumbling down WuWeiPing!!!!! Uncomfortable. I found a seat for grandmother. But he himself from the grandmother. Eye at the car window shuttle mountains and the trees, and the pieces of the paddy fields. The heart is a mess! Uncomfortable disorderly!!!!!
As if feel innumerable double eyes looking at me, that kind of feeling like a single girl naked light body to exposure to the public under, shame can't describe. That day, in the car, I didn't say a word with my grandmother. That day, in the car, students tell me words, I also all don't remember. That day, I don't have to buy the tickets for the grandmother, is only one yuan ticket, I afraid the classmate joke I, afraid of don't I laugh at me. This attitude, I now think back at that time, I can't understand yourself.
"If it is vanity, this is very shameful. I get off, also not with grandma to say goodbye, are doing just looked back at the grandmother. Grandma was also looking at me, moved the lips, as if to say to me??????? Did not speak, also too late openings, because I have already got off. I didn't turn head, marched straight to school dormitory, tired!!!!!
I did a let oneself guilty life. In the winter, the grandmother was ill, my mother and I go to see my grandmother, grandmother has not unable to speak, look bleak, appear very dull. Listen to the uncle said, already didn't eat for several days. Then look at the grandmother's face, already the haggard faces. There is a very sour things, impact of his nostrils, and I make me feel sick. With tears of its eyes mother, also early has wet.
And I finally failed to into my grandmother said a word, have never thought that on in the car and I and my grandmother was the last strangers and opposite the strangers. Grandma, I buried could not off, because learning tension is busy, the university entrance exam drawing near, the mother afraid of hold up my school, didn't let me leave. Now, think back for ten years and....... Good quick ah, suddenly look back, this time, like ten years a dream, the dream of the piece, as in a yesterday.
My grandmother had already left me ten years, these ten years, I have a majority in our normal life, only occasional think of this period of the past, the heart can't be calm, always lurking in the inner guilt and blame always quickly spread my each nerve.
Over the years, I have no courage to tell this to anyone.
Today, may be a special day, thoughts are very heavy, have a strong desire to pour out, so I put it down in words, be a kind of catharsis right, also be the soul to my grandma of 1:00 compensate!!!!
